Great Chemistry Does Not Guarantee A Great Relationship

Most of us have met potential romantic partners with whom we share great chemistry.  These connections can be thrilling and special because they're so hard to find.  Chemistry means that almost-immediate connection with another person on many levels: great rapport, talking nonstop about anything and everything, sharing many of the same interests and hobbies, and…

The Nuance of Emotion

One piece of work I do regularly with my clients is help them better understand the nuance of their feelings/emotions.  Often someone will come in and tell me they feel "bad" or "pissed off" - perfectly legit ways to feel - but a little further digging into the context of the feelings often reveals that…

Relationship “Work” #1: Daily Acts of Connection

Part 1 of a 3-part series When talking about relationships, we often speak of the "work" we need to do in order to maintain a healthy, fulfilling relationship.  "Work" in a relationship entails many actions, steps, and attitudes, but today I wanted to focus on relationship work #1: daily acts of connection. Daily acts of…

NYT article: “How To Have A Better Relationship”

There's a great article in the New York Times today entitled "How To Have A Better Relationship" - the article gives an overview of healthy relationship qualities, some interesting stats and figures, as well as links to some relationship quizzes you and your partner can take together. Click here to read the article!  - Lovers with…

What exactly does it mean to “work” on a relationship?

Many of my clients understand that relationships take work.  What is often less clear is what exactly is meant by "work" in a relationship.  Sometimes people stay in bad relationships for a long time, believing that they just need to keep "working" at it, when no amount of work is going to salvage the relationship…

Conflict & Tension

Conflict is 100% natural in relationships.  Sometimes in couples’ therapy, my clients say “we never fight” to indicate the strength of their relationship.  But in fact, if you don’t ever have a conflict with your partner, that’s actually a red flag - it usually means that one or both persons are withholding their true thoughts…

It’s Not What You Say – It’s How You Say It

None of us are born knowing how to communicate perfectly with other people.  Some of us are born with better role models of communication, where we watched adults and caregivers express their thoughts, needs, and feelings in healthy and productive ways.  Others grow up learning more dysfunctional ways of communicating - or not communicating at…